She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize