he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
