i was born a porn star she said
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
