great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i think i have herpe
just one?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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