while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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