I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
