I didn't shave. On purpose
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
it's like heaven, but drunker
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
