fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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