There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
