so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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