For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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