margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
