Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
