yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize