Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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