omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
