i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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