how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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