did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
