im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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