you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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