I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize