If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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