I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
