he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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