Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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