Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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