i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
