im having a threesome with these popsicles
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
