It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
