my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
someone owes me an orgasm
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
