I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
