nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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