drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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