96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
