Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
