dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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