Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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