just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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