im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
