Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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