Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just pee around me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
