Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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