My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize