You just made me feel so damn special
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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