I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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