Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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