I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
