He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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