somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize