so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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