i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
