you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize