shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize