He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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