No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
