WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
