this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
