He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
