you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
