We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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