We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
