I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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