this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
