We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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