i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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