Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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