Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
