I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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