please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
