you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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