Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
