Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
