His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
