also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
