I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize