from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
