I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
