you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
