I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
