all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
