U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
