your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
