youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
