Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
