I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
