you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
