Sorry, I don't speak sober.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize