Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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