dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
