no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
