Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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