just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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