Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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