You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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