my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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