I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think a kid would responsible me up
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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