i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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